Clasped Hands
by DominaUmbra666
Summary: Everyone gains a soulmark tattoo when both soulmates in a pair reach the age of 20. Sam goes to Stanford when he is 18, but is forced to make a decision when his soulmark appears on his 20th birthday.


Soulmates are common, but actually finding your soulmate is rare. Gorgeous tattoos wrap around peoples bodies and are supposed to be a map to their happily ever after, but some of them are so confusing and impossible to translate until the right moment. In addition to their confounding messages, they also do not appear until both members of the pair are twenty, which leaves less time for searching for the other half of their soul.

Mary and John Winchester are soulmates, but neither knew until it was too late. John ignored both tattoos because he didn't understand how flames could ever represent his beautiful, innocent Mary. He also ignored the thick letters spelling out 'VENGEFUL' carved into her skin.

The tattoos always describe you, but sometimes say what you will become.

Mary has been a hunter all of her life, but she tries to hide that instinct from herself. Sometimes she traces the letters that run down her spine and hopes that John really isn't her soulmate and that these are letters for another man. Rarely does she believe herself.

…

When Dean is born he is perfect. His little blue eyes soon change to the vivid green of summer and he laughs at the smallest things. He becomes everything to John and Mary. When Mary becomes pregnant with their second child they are overjoyed.

Then Mary burns on the ceiling exactly six months after giving birth to little Sammy.

John realizes what the flames had meant all along and throws himself into hunting and revenge, if only to be closer to Mary.

…

"Dean! Wait up!" Sam yells after his fourteen year old brother. His short legs pump hard in an attempt to catch up, but he is unable to do so. Dean slows down when he hears Sam's voice and waits for his brother even if it does mean risking punishment from John for not pushing himself hard enough.

Dean yells back, "Catch me if you can!"

"Jerk," Sam responds.

"Bitch."

…

Eighteen year old Dean brings a girl back to the apartment they are renting. Their dad is on a hunting trip two towns over and the older brother wants to take advantage of every second he can. The pair of teens stumble through the door late that night while Sam is asleep on the couch.

"Shhhh," Dean whispers to stop her from giggling. "I don't want to wake him up. Follow me."

It's too late though. Sam's eyes are open and he watches them retreat to the bedroom. He imagines Dean stripping off her shirt. Sam can visualize the trial of kisses Dean leaves on the way to her breasts. After a minute he can hear her soft moans drift out from under the door. They are followed by Dean's grunts.

Sam buries his head in a pillow and tries to block out the noise. Tears well up in his eyes and his breathing is shallow. The noise stops shortly after, but Sam doesn't fall back asleep. Instead he climbs off the couch and sits against the wall of their bedroom as he listens to Dean's soft snoring. He is back on the couch watching early morning cartoons by the time Dean wakes up.

…

Dean's soulmark doesn't appear on his twentieth birthday. Each day that follows he wishes that it would. In a life like theirs, very few things make you happy, but Sammy and whoever will appear on his wrist will be everything he ever needs.

…

Dean drives Sam to the bus station silently. He doesn't look at his little brother but he feels the eyes on him. They watch him the entire drive and it takes everything in his power not to look over. His fingers tighten themselves on the steering wheel as they turn into the parking lot.

Sam had memorized the lines of Dean's face by the time he was eight, but now as he looks at the older brother he worships he is trying to find anything he may of missed. He is looking for a sign to stay. If Dean asked him to he wouldn't get out of the car. If there was one hint that Dean needed Sam as much as Sam knew he needed Dean, then he would not get on the bus, he would have never applied to Stanford in the first place. He knows he is a hunter at heart; it is in his blood, but he knows that hunting means the pain of seeing Dean every day and of being silent. He wants to escape the pain of hearing Dean flirt with girls, the of agony of seeing him touch them, and the torture of knowing that Dean would never see him that way. So he gets out of the car; Sam buys his ticket to Palo Alto and doesn't look back at the Impala.

…

When Sam starts sophomore year he meets Jessica. She asks him on a date the first time they speak and he can't stop himself from saying yes. He shares as much of himself as he can with her; he allows her to see the broken parts of him, but she never finds out why there are cracks in his beautiful skin. She just kisses them away.

Her mark appears on her twentieth birthday and she knows Sam isn't her soulmate. Hers just says 'unexpected' in small letters on her foot. Jess cries when she sees it. She stays with Sam anyway and they both ignore it; he never looks at her feet anymore though.

…

On Sam's twentieth birthday he wakes up next to Jess. Her hand cards through his hair as she watches him. Jess gently takes his hand in hers and turns it over. On Sammy's palm is the word 'Jerk' written out in Dean's handwriting. His face drops and he feels as if his heart has simultaneously stopped and started rushing in one moment. A tear falls down his cheek and soon enough he is bawling into Jessica's shirt.

"You know who it is? Don't you?" She whispers to him. Her voice is accepting, but low, and her eyes don't shine the way they usually do when she looks at Sam.

He doesn't lie to her. He doesn't lie about this. "Yes."

"Are you leaving?" Jess questions as she looks away from him.

"Not unless he comes here. Not unless he wants me."

"You're an idiot."

Sam looks up sharply at her.

"You could have everything you ever wanted but you are going to throw it away out of cowardice. I know you love me, but sometimes you look at me and see someone else. You would be content with me, happy even, but you would always want more. Call him. He wants you. He would have to be an idiot not to." Jess pick up Sam's phone from the nightstand but he pushes it away. "Sam, call him."

"I will but he won't recognize that number." Sam stands up and walks towards the closet. There is a small black duffle that she has never seen before and he pulls out an outdated cell and flips it open. Sam looks over at Jess. "Don't hate me," he mumbles just load enough for her to hear before punching in a number.

…

Dean stares as the tattoo on his palm as the phone rings. The elegantly scripted 'Bitch' inscribed there makes him want to cry. Sam left him and now it turns out they are soulmates. The phone rings again and Dean almost throws it against the wall but stops when he sees the caller id: SAMMY.

When he answers the line is silent for a moment. "Sam?" Dean asks.

"I'm here. Sorry, I don't know what to say." Sam's voice is so low and Dean can hear the short breaths from his panicked brother.

Dean doesn't even have to specify when he asks, "What does yours say?"

"Jerk."

Dean's lip quirks up with a small smile. "Bitch."

…

Jess left that morning and didn't come back. She knows that Sam will drop out and that she won't see him again. It's time for her to look for her own soulmate anyway.

…

Their first meeting as soulmates doesn't start with a fairytale kiss, though it does come later. It doesn't even start with a hug. Instead it starts with a longing look and a realization that they don't need to be apart ever again.

Few words are spoken on the drive out of Palo Alto and neither of them mention their clasped hands.


End file.
